


A Questionable Viewfinder Meeting

by J_Unleashed



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Humor, M/M, Questions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2258442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Unleashed/pseuds/J_Unleashed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami, Akihito, Fei Long, Mikhail, Kuroda, Kirishima, Suoh, Sakazaki, Sudou, Yoh, and Tao all get together to answer questions from fans. You know it can't possibly be as civilized as it sounds...</p><div class="center">
  <p>*Chapter 2*</p>
</div>The cast of Viewfinder responds to 55 new questions!
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**. .**

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki is holding a box. "Gentlemen... I have here in this box, 30 questions submitted by our fans. The way this will work is that each of us will take turns drawing questions from the box. When you draw a paper, you MUST read it out loud directing the question to the appropriate person, who will then answer the question to the best of their ability. Do we all agree to this?"

There is a general murmur of consent.

"Good!" He holds up a smaller box, and draws a name out of it. "You will go in the order in which I draw your names. The one who will draw out of the box first, is Takaba..."

Akihito jumps up, "YES!"

Sakazaki continues drawing names, "... the 2nd is Tao, 3rd is Fei Long, 4th is me- Sakazaki, 5th is Asami, 6th is Kirishima, 7th is Suoh, 8th is Yoh, 9th is Mikhail, and last but not least, the 10th will be Kuroda."

**. . . . .**

Akihito picks a folded piece of paper from the box. "First question. This one's for you, Asami: Are you a hygiene freak? Why do we see you in, or just out of the shower so much?"

"Sex can be messy," Asami replies.

"Uh, y-yes... that's true," Akihito stammers, "but they have a point. You do take an awful lot of showers."

"Tell me Akihito, do you like seeing me undressed?"

Akihito blushes, "Well... "

"Then don't complain about the number of showers I take."

**. . . . .**

"My turn next!" Tao picks from the box. "For Takaba: Have you ever had to run from the cops?"

"No. I'm a law-abiding citizen." Akihito eyes Asami, "Unlike SOME people I know..."

Kirishima places a briefcase on the table and opens it. "I happen to have a copy of Takaba's police record... "

Akihito reaches over and slams Kirishima's briefcase shut. "Nobody's interested." Akihito glares at him.

**. . . . .**

Fei Long draws a slip of paper. "This is for both Kirishima and Suoh: How did you two come to work for Asami?"

Kirishima answers first. "Asami hired me because he knew I was qualified to do the job."

"I think they're trying to ask, how did you and Asami meet?" Fei Long prompts him.

"Asami asked me if I would be interested in working for him. Naturally, I said yes," Kirishima answers again.

"Yes, but EXACTLY how did you two...?" Fei Long asks.

Kirishima replies, irritated, "The question was: How did I come to work for Asami? I've already answered that."

"Suoh?" Fei Long turns to him.

Suoh replies, "Same as Kirishima." He does a dead-on Marlon Brandon imitation, " _The Boss made me an offer I couldn't refuse._.. " He breaks out in a huge grin.

Kirishima rolls his eyes and grumbles. "Suoh... "

**. . . . .**

"My turn," Sakazaki picks out a slip of paper. "Ooh, here's a good one! Takaba: Would you like to top Asami?"

"Yeah!" Akihito beams at Asami.

"Keep dreaming, Akihito..." Asami replies.

**. . . . .**

Asami draws the next question. "Kirishima and Suoh: What did you do before you worked for me?"

"I was... uhhh... security at a club," Suoh answers.

"I had a similar job to the one I have now," Kirishima replies. "Only this time my boss is more... energetic..."

Suoh nods. "That's an interesting way of putting it."

**. . . . .**

Kirishima draws a question. "Mikhail: How tall are you?"

"I'm 180 cm," Mikhail answers.

"No you're not," Fei Long frowns. "That would make you taller than me."

"I AM taller than you."

"Stand up, please," Fei Long requests. The two stand side-by-side, facing Kirishima.

"Mikhail's taller by half a centimeter," Kirishima announces.

Fei Long sits back down and grumbles, "It's his shoes. He probably had extra height built into them, or something."

**. . . . .**

Suoh pulls the next question. "For Takaba: Why do you waste your talent photographing criminals?"

"Oh!" Akihito answers, excitedly. "You don't know the feeling you get while you're waiting to catch a criminal in the act! The suspense of the stake-out, waiting for that THRILLING moment that you'll be able to sweetly savor, and then... "

Asami lights a cigarette. "And this is why he usually misses catching his target in the act. He's too busy savoring the moment."

"I don't remember hearing your name mentioned in the question, Asami... so mind your own business!" Akihito snaps.

**. . . . .**

Yoh picks next. "Takaba: Can you stop getting raped?"

Akihito frowns suspiciously, "Wait, let me see that paper... "

Yoh hands it to him, and Akihito looks at it. "TAO! This is YOUR handwriting, you little BRAT!"

**. . . . .**

Mikhail takes a question from the box. "Takaba: Can you dominate Asami and get on top?"

Akihito nods, "I'm working on it."

Asami looks at Akihito, "It will never happen."

"Oh, you just wait... "

"NEVER," Asami replies sternly.

**. . . . .**

Kuroda picks out a paper. "For Fei Long: If you could turn back time, would you have pounced on Asami to make him go all the way with you?"

"You mean 7 years ago?" Fei Long thinks, "Back then, my life was in turmoil... but had it NOT been, I certainly would have..."

"It was never going to happen," Asami responds.

Fei Long smiles coldly, "Oh, if I had really wanted it, it most definitely would have happened!"

Asami glares at Fei Long. "You're delusional. Maybe you should consider cutting down on your opium consumption."

Fei Long smirks, "Don't forget, I know what you were like when you were 28 years old. At that time, you weren't exactly picky about who you would sleep with--"

Asami grabs the box and hands it to Akihito. "Let's move on to the next question."

**. . . . .**

Akihito picks a question. "For Sakazaki... wait... I'm not reading this!"

"You know the rules," Sakazaki says.

"Read it!" Tao yells.

Asami nods. "You did agree to read the question."

"For Sakazaki..." Akihito growls at Sakazaki, "This is from a FAN, got it?! You look very..." Takaba gags slightly, "... huggable. Can I have a hug?"

"Sure!" Sakazaki opens his arms wide and grins at Akihito. "C'mere..."

"You touch him, and I'll rip out that ridiculous goatee of yours by the roots," Asami glares menacingly.

"It was a joke. Don't you guys ever joke around?" Sakazaki cringes from the glare. "Ehh... I guess not."

**. . . . .**

Tao takes a slip of paper from the box. "Asami: Why don't you try wearing jeans for a change?"

"It's not my normal style," Asami answers.

"I'd like to see you in jeans," Akihito looks at him hopefully.

Asami smiles wickedly at Akihito, "I'd like to see you naked, tied up, and wrapped in--"

"You know who's difficult to picture wearing jeans?" Mikhail interrupts. "Fei Long."

Asami gives him a withering look.

"Seriously!" Mikhail replies. "Try to imagine it. You can't... can you?"

**. . . . .**

Fei Long picks next. "For Asami: Where did you learn all the S/M stuff?"

"Would you like me to direct you to a specific website, Fei Long?" Asami smirks.

Fei Long gasps, "I did not ask this!"

"Sure you didn't."

Fei Long looks at the paper. "This is definitely NOT my handwriting! It looks like..." He glances at Mikhail.

"Yes, I wrote it," Mikhail shrugs. "So, shoot me."

Fei long growls at Mikhail, "Don't tempt me."

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki takes the next turn. "For Kirishima and Suoh: Do you two get paid over minimum wage?"

Kirishima answers, "We are both salarymen, so we receive better pay than an hourly worker would."

"MUCH better," Suoh agrees.

"And of course," Kirishima continues, "there's was this year's generous annual bonus..."

"Wait! I didn't get an annual bonus..."

"Oh?" Kirishima feigns surprise with a smile, "Did you not? What a shame..."

**. . . . .**

Asami looks at the next question and then tosses it aside. "I'm not asking this."

"YOU agreed to play by the rules... remember?" Akihito smirks.

Asami sighs and picks up the paper. "Fei Long: How do you keep your hair silky smooth?"

Fei Longs twirls a long lock of hair with his fingers. "I never use soap, shampoo, or any commercial products on my hair. I do an oil cleanse that contains some infused herbs and spices, and a few drops of essential oils for fragrance. Tao can answer any questions about it, since he's the one who attends to my hair."

"I don't feel like it," Tao pouts. "Tell them they can go Google it themselves."

"You really do act like a woman," Asami rolls his eyes at Fei Long.

"Says the man who spends time in front of the mirror, painstakingly applying gel to his hair," Fei Long retorts.

**. . . . .**

Kirishima picks out a paper. "For you, Yoh: What are you doing with your life?"

"I've been working in a small Chinese restaurant as a cook and..." Yoh looks down. "Nothing. I'm doing nothing with my life. Thanks for pointing that out. Now I'm depressed."

**. . . . .**

Suoh asks the next question. "For Mikhail: Do you have nothing better to do than to piss-off Fei Long and Asami? Why? Just... why?"

Mikhail smiles, "I haven't even gotten started yet. Just WAIT...!"

**. . . . .**

Yoh picks a paper out of the box. "For Yoh... uh, me: Did you ever drop the soap in the showers while in prison?"

He frowns. "You know I can recognize your handwriting, Tao..."

Yoh turns to Fei Long, "With all due respect, Master Fei Long, you really need to rein that kid in."

**. . . . .**

Mikhail pulls out a slip of paper. "Asami: Does the size of your..." he fake coughs, "CAR... mean you are compensating for something? Heh heh heh!"

Asami narrows his eyes at Mikhail. "From the way you ask that question... is there something you are trying to suggest?"

"Well, you know, Russian..." Mikhail fake coughs again, "CARS... are bigger than Japanese cars. I'm just saying..." Mikhail smiles and shrugs.

Asami puts his cigarette out. "No, they're not."

"True fact," Mikhail argues. "Look it up."

"For your information, Japanese..." Asami gives a small polite cough, "cars... are more reliable. And they last much longer than Russian cars. Look it up."

"Russian cars have more POWER than Japanese cars!" Mikhail growls.

"Too bad they're known for breaking down," Asami smirks.

Kuroda chokes back a laugh and tries to disguise it as a cough. He takes the box. 

**. . . . .**

Kuroda asks the next question. "This is for Yoh: How does it feel literally being thrown around? You work for one person one day... another person the next."

Yoh puts his head down on the table. "Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject."

"I'm sorry. Oh, there's also a P.S. at the bottom: And don't let Mikhail get Fei Long."

Yoh lifts his head and glares at Mikhail.

"Why does everybody hate me?" Mikhail protests. "What did I EVER do to deserve this?"

Asami raises an eyebrow.

Mikhail quickly turns to Asami, "Don't answer that!"

**. . . . .**

"My turn again!" Akihito picks a question. "Question for Kuroda: How come you're so friendly with Asami?"

Kuroda looks at Akihito, "Are you troubled by the thought?"

Akihito waves the slip of paper at him. "I'm not the one asking this!"

"You don't have anything to worry about." Kuroda smiles mischievously, "Although..."

Asami interrupts him, "You'll just cause me more trouble if you tease him like that."

"I think he's tough enough to take a little bit teasing, Ryuichi."

"H-he just called you... by your first name..." Akihito stammers at Asami.

"Oh, I see what you mean. Sorry about that, Ryuichi," Kuroda apologizes.

"GAAAAH... !" Akihito yells.

**. . . . .**

Tao picks a question. "This one is for Sumo and Kirishima..."

"It's SUOH. Suoh Kazumi. And we're not going to answer ANY questions about the boss. Got it?"

"Suoh and Kirishima: What kind of job do you two do?"

Kirishima answers, "I am the Executive Administrative Assistant of our company and I supervise all other employees, including Suoh here. My job duties include bookkeeping, typing up reports, scheduling meetings and appointments..."

Suoh adds, "I can pretty much do all of those jobs, too."

"Just not as well as me," Kirishima smiles.

Suoh nods, "Kirishima is an office GENIUS, but I'm also in charge of security, and nobody... not even Kirishima, is as good at it as me."

"Yes, Suoh is an EXCELLENT security man," Kirishima agrees.

"Oh for fuck's sake... get a ROOM, you two!" Mikhail replies exasperated.

**. . . . .**

Fei Long draws out of the box. "Here's another for Kirishima and Suoh: Do you two ever get a vacation?"

Suoh turns to Kirishima, "What's a... 'vacation'?"

Kirishima shrugs.

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki asks the next question. "Mikhail: Do you prefer women or men?"

"My preference is women. Which is why I'm attracted to Fei here..."

"I really am going to shoot you!" Fei Long growls.

**. . . . .**

Asami pulls out a slip of paper and reads. "For Asami: Have you ever been in love?"

Akihito places his elbows on the table and rests his chin on top of his folded hands, while smirking at Asami.

Asami smirks back at Akihito, while slowly and deliberately tearing up the paper.

**. . . . .**

Kirishima draws from the box. "Oh no... Suoh: What do you think about fluffy little kitties?"

"I have two right now, but I'm thinking about getting another. Here, let me show you a picture I took of it at the pet shop ..." He pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Suoh..." Kirishima glares.

Suoh puts his phone back in his pocket. "Sorry."

**. . . . .**

Suoh picks a question. "For Asami: Could I try punching you to see if you'd feel it?" Suoh cracks a smile.

Asami glares at him. "No."

"Heh, you realize this is from a little fan--... ahh, never mind."

**. . . . .**

Yoh picks from the box. "Akihito: Have you ever been in a homosexual relationship before Asami, or was Asami the first man to awaken your desires in that way?"

"Wh-what kind of question is THAT?!" Akihito turns red. "Never. I... I've NEVER!"

EVERYBODY in the room responds, "Yes, you have!"

**. . . . .**

Mikhail reaches into the box and asks the next question. "This is for Asami: How does it feel to be in bed with Akihito?"

Asami frowns and reaches for the paper. "Let me see that paper... "

"Did anyone just hear a noise outside? I'll go check..." Sakazaki bolts out of the room.

**. . . . .**

Kuroda pulls the last paper from the box. "Kirishima and Suoh: You two seem like you're kind of close for colleagues. Do you ever socialize together outside of work?"

Kirishima answers, "No."

"No," Suoh agrees.

"No," Kirishima shakes his head, "we don't have the time for that."

Suoh nods his head, "Sometimes we do."

Kirishima turns to Suoh, "No, not really."

Suoh smiles, "Hey... remember that time in Brazil?"

"No..." Kirishima pushes his glasses up, but a slight smile can be seen from under his hand.

**. . . . .**

**. .**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Suoh's Brazil reference, read: "It Happened One Night" [September 2014]


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Questionable Viewfinder Meeting 2
> 
> {Featuring questions/comments from Viewfinder fans from various websites}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _More than a YEAR in the making, at long last... PART 2!_
> 
>  
> 
> _The panel for this year's Viewfinder Question and Answer Session consists of: Asami Ryuichi, Takaba Akihito, Kirishima Kei, Suoh Kazumi, Kuroda Shinji, Liu Fei Long, Mikhail Arbatov, Sakazaki, Yoh, and Tao._

**. .  
**

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki enters the room. He is carrying something resembling a shoe box. He places it on the table.

"Gentlemen... it is that time of year again when we answer questions from the fans. There are 55 questions this time. We will use the same method as we did last year. Each of us will take a turn pulling a question from the box and reading it to the appropriate person."

Kuroda narrows his eyes at Sakazaki. "How do we know you haven't tampered with the questions?"

Sakazaki looks offended. "Do you really think I would do something like that?"

"YES!" most everyone yells from around the room.

Kirishima pushes his glasses up on his nose. "That's why I insisted on an unbiased, outside source to choose and write the fan questions on the slips of paper that are in that box."

Mikhail raises an eyebrow at him. "And how do we know YOU didn't tamper with this 'outside source'?"

"How many here think I'm trustworthy?" Kirishima asks, looking around.

Everyone but Mikhail and Akihito raise their hands.

"Looks like Takaba is the only other smart person in this room..." Mikhail grumbles.

Asami looks at Akihito. Akihito glares back at him. "Don't give me that look! He's your #1 employee. Of course he's going to be totally biased toward you...!"

Akihito looks away and raises his hand. "Whatever..." he mumbles.

"So..." Sakazaki continues, "the rules are: you must read the question out loud to the person whose name is written on the outside of the slip. If you see your own name, you're not allowed to unfold and read it. You have to toss it back and draw again. Got it? No reading your own questions this time..."

"The order in which we'll draw has already been determined and is this: Yoh will draw first... then Tao, Suoh, Sudou, me... Sakazaki, Mikhail, Kuroda, Kirishima, Fei Long, Asami, and Akihito."

**. . . . .**

Yoh pulls out the first slip, unfolds it and reads. "For Master Fei Long: Have you finally gotten over Asami? Did you move on?"

Fei Long begins to stammer. "I-I never really had a thing for ..."

He finally concedes in a huff. "I HAVE moved on." He meets Yoh's eyes very briefly before both of them look away smiling.

Tao suddenly reaches over and yanks Fei Long's chair closer to him, startling Fei Long.

Tao gives Yoh a long death glare.

**. . . . .**

Tao draws out of the box next. "This one is for Asami: What attracts you to Takaba so much?"

"His eyes," Asami answers quickly.

"Really?" Akihito says smiling and looking surprised. "That's actually kind of... I don't know... romantic, coming from you..."

"And his gullibility..." Asami smirks.

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Suoh. "Kuroda: Are you related to Asami? You kind of look like his brother."

"I hear that quite frequently. Of course I am."

"You are?!" Sudou says, in total shock. "In what way?"

"Well, the current theory is that everyone is at least everyone else's 16th cousin, but of course in a primarily homogeneous society like Japan, the odds are that the relations are MUCH closer, which is calculated at--"

Sudou interrupts him. "Why can't you simply say, 'no comment', so we can move on?"

"Because it's actually a fascinating subject, so if I could continue—"

"NOBODY CARES," Sudou replies irritably. "I swear... you're as boring as you look!"

**. . . . .**

Sudou draws next. He reads the question and frowns. "Sakazaki, this is your question: You look like you're really tall. Are you taller than Asami?"

"Excellent question!" Sakazaki replies, standing up enthusiastically. "Asami-san, if you wouldn't mind standing up..."

Asami doesn't move. Instead, he stares silently at Sakazaki.

Sakazaki sits back down sheepishly. "Maybe we should ask Takaba, since he would know..."

Asami's stare changes into a death glare.

"Or not..." Sakazaki cringes. "Umm… maybe it would be best if this remains one of the mysteries."

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki draws a slip, reads it and chuckles. "Akihito: If you had to go undercover as a woman, would you wear heels or flats with your dress?"

"I'd wear heels, because they'd make the legs and ass look really great..."

Asami raises an eyebrow at Akihito.

"Don't give me that condescending look!" Akihito says glaring at Asami. "I'm a dedicated investigative reporter, man! You do what you gotta to do to get the story."

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Mikhail. "For Asami: Do you sleep around?"

"No, I mostly sleep in my own bed."

Akihito looks at Asami. "I think they meant... do you, umm..." Akihito hesitates.

Asami turns to Akihito and raises an eyebrow. "Yes...?"

Akihito blushes and turns away. "... never mind."

**. . . . .**

Kuroda pulls a slip from the box. "Asami, a fan writes: You are an educated man, so why do you still smoke cigarettes, especially around non-smokers like Akihito?"

"My educational background has no bearing on this. I enjoy smoking and I do as I please. And Akihito doesn't mind... sometimes he'll take a puff or two off my cigarette."

"No, it doesn't bother me," Akihito agrees. "Some of my best friends are smokers."

"I'm touched..." Sakazaki grins. "I didn't know you considered me one of your best friends."

Asami gives Sakazaki a warning look.

"I mean, just a friend..." Sakazaki cringes under Asami's continuing glare. "... an acquaintance...?"

"How about a sleazy source who'd sell out anybody for the right price?" Akihito replies sarcastically.

Sakazaki perks up and proudly puffs out his chest. "Yes! That's me!"

**. . . . .**

Kirishima takes a slip from the box. "Kuroda: What was it that Asami gave you as a reward that was so valuable?"

"That was something special between Ryuichi and myself, but it's something you would appreciate..."

Kuroda whispers into Kirishima's ear.

"Oh... I see," Kirishima says, looking impressed. "That's... quite a gift! Mind if I take a look at it sometime?"

"Not at all," Kuroda replies. "I could bring it by your place this evening, if you like."

"It's a bit out of your way, isn't it..." Kirishima says, "however, I'll make you dinner to compensate for your inconvenience."

"Oh, that's kind of you! But you're right about it being out of my way. I might miss the last train. If that happens, would it be too much trouble if I stayed over?"

"Of course not," Kirishima replies. "Unfortunately, I only have one bed so we'd have to share..."

"I'd have no problem with—"

They both stop talking and look up. Everyone in the room is staring at them.

Kuroda coughs awkwardly. "I'll just bring it by your office..."

"Yes..." Kirishima replies. "That might be a better idea..."

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Fei Long. "For Akihito: How did you get Asami's number?"

Akihito smiles slyly. "Ohhh... that is a trade secret. I'm afraid I can't reveal my source."

"I arranged for him to 'discover' my home phone number," Asami answers. "Had I known what he was going to do with it, I might have reconsidered the wisdom of doing that."

Akihito rolls his eyes. "You did NOT 'arrange' for me to get that number. I got it all on my own. I can be VERY resourceful."

"You didn't pay your source... who went by the name 'Mizuki'... 10,000 yen for my number?"

Akihito looks at Asami shocked, and then sulks. "No, I paid her 50,000..."

**. . . . .**

Asami draws the next slip. "Akihito, your question is: If you could be in a romantic relationship with anyone except for Asami, who would it be?" Asami gives Akihito a piercing glare.

Akihito looks at Asami cautiously. "My... camera?"

"Good answer," Asami nods approvingly.

**. . . . .**

Akihito draws a slip and breaks out in a huge grin. "HA! Asami: During the time Takaba was in Hong Kong, how come you didn't get mad about Takaba having sex with Fei Long?"

Asami smirks at Akihito. "Were you hoping to see me jealous?"

"This is a fan's question, not mine!" Akihito says, waving the slip.

Asami continues to gaze with amusement at Akihito.

"Well...?!" Akihito yells angrily. "Just answer my question...!"

Akihito turns red. "I-I mean THE question... which was asked by a fan..." Akihito's voice trails off. He puts his head down on the table and groans.

"Sometimes, you can be so cute..." Asami says as he ruffles Akihito's hair.

"Sometimes, you can be such a jerk..." Akihito grumbles.

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Yoh. "To Kirishima and Suoh: Are you two an item?"

Kirishima raises his eyebrows. "Honestly, if I ever were to consider such a thing... and I'm NOT saying I would... WHEN would we ever find the time?!"

Suoh turns to Kirishima and smiles slightly. "Well to be honest... I wouldn't kick you out of my bed if you happened to fall into it."

Kirishima frowns at Suoh.

"I'm just saying..." Suoh replies.

"No circumstance exists where I would ever 'fall into your bed', Suoh," Kirishima says, rolling his eyes.

Suoh shrugs. "It could happen."

**. . . . .**

Tao draws next. "For Asami: What is your family background?'

"I have a Master's Degree in Economics and a Business-"

"Um... that's not what they're asking..." Tao tells him.

"I'm my own family, and the question was about my background..."

Tao looks at Asami incredulously. "You ever think of becoming a politician? Because you already got the spins down..."

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Suoh. "Tao: What is your purpose in life?"

"To serve Master Fei Long. To take care of him and all his needs… like washing and combing out his beautiful hair, scrubbing his back, rubbing scented oils into his skin... starting at his shoulders, then slowly moving down his chest until I reach those little pale pink peaks in the front, which can be a little dry, so I give them extra special attention…"

Fei Long frowns at Tao. "What ARE you talking about? You don't do anything like that!"

Tao blushes slightly. "But I could…"

**. . . . .**

Sudou draws a slip and reads it. "You can't be serious! Who would ask such a thing?! I can't—"

"Just read the damn thing Sudou!" Sakazaki frowns at him.

Sudou grimaces distastefully. "Asami: Have you ever masturbated to Akihito when he wasn't available?"

"Akihito is always available to me," Asami replies.

"No, I'm not!" Akihito snaps.

"You come when you're called," Asami says, smirking.

"I do not!" Akihito says, crossing his arms.

"You 'CUM' when you're called...!" Mikhail laughs. "HAHAHA!"

Akihito glares at Mikhail. "You know... you're not as funny as you think you are..."

"AKIHITO!" Kuroda yells sharply into Akihito's ear.

"AAAHH!" Akihito jumps, startled.

"So... was it good for you?" Kuroda grins.

Several people around the table laugh. Asami turns his face away and smiles.

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Sakazaki. "For Takaba: When are you going to tell your parents about Asami?"

Asami chuckles and smirks, "Yes Akihito... when are you going to tell your parents about me?"

"W-what kind of question is that?! There's nothing to tell!"

"That's the understatement of the year..." Kuroda says, rolling his eyes.

**. . . . .**

Mikhail picks out a question. "For both Kirishima and Suoh: Do you actually have private time? You seem to be with Asami most of the days and nights."

"Well, it true both of us rarely get off at the same time, so..." Suoh becomes flustered. "... I mean, we switch positions. Uh, I mean places, and then I do what he was doing before..."

"My, my... who knew?" Mikhail says with a grin.

"What Suoh is trying to say, it's been arranged that at least one of us is with Asami whenever possible," Kirishima explains, "which allows the other to have time off to rest. This is necessary as we work long hours and are always "on-call" should our presence be required in an emergency."

"Thanks," Suoh says, looking at Kirishima gratefully.

"No problem," Kirishima winks, "I'm on top of it."

Mikhail's grin widens.

Kirishima frowns. "I mean, I've got your back..."

 

**. . . . .**

Kuroda takes a slip. "This one is for Asami: If anything were to happen to you, who would take over the business? And what would happen to Takaba? Would he come to Hong Kong?"

Asami furrows his brow. "I don't think it would be wise for me to reveal my contingency plans."

"You actually have a plan in place? Man, I would really like to know that too! Who are you leaving your condo, cars, and money to, huh?" Akihito asks enthusiastically. He points to himself, "Hint! Hint!"

"I'm leaving you all my prize S/M equipment... I've seen how much you 'admire' it."

"WHAT?!" Akihito yells in shock. He lowers his voice, "Is... that all?"

"And my neckties," Asami smirks.

**. . . . .**

Kirishima draws next. "Mikhail: What would you do if Fei Long actually gave you the time of day?"

Mikhail grins roguishly. "If he has the time, I have the place…"

**. . . . .**

Fei Long draws a slip. "This one is for both Suoh and Kirishima: Why don't you guys get together?"

Kirishima frowns. "Get together? What do you mean... you mean like..." Kirishima's eyes widen. "OH! No, no, no..."

"Why not?" Suoh asks.

"You KNOW why not!" Kirishima growls at him.

"You still holding that one little incident against me?" Suoh says, raising his eyebrows.

"Let's just move on..."

"Wait!" Akihito says, "What was that 'one little incident'…?"

Kirishima ignores him and pushes the box toward Asami. "Next question…"

"Oh COME ON!" Akihito grins with delight. "I gotta know...!"

**. . . . .**

Asami picks from the box. "To Mikhail: How did you get the scars on your back?"

"He cut himself shaving..." Yoh mumbles.

Mikhail glances irritably at Yoh before answering. "I have a fetish for long, sharp fingernails raking me hard across my back during sex. It's a major turn-on for me. So, if I see someone with fingernails like that…"

Mikhail smiles and looks at Fei Long's hands.

Fei Long quickly hides his hands under the table.

**. . . . .**

Akihito draws a question. "Tao: Were you mad at Yoh when you found out he used you to steal the casino rights to trade for me?"

"Casino rights? I don't know what you're talking about. Did Yoh do something bad to Master Fei?!" Tao glares at Yoh.

Fei Long quickly covers Tao's ears. "Let's not discuss this type of 'business' in front of the child."

"You never told him about that?" Yoh smiles slightly. "Does this mean you're considering… maybe someday, you and me...?"

Fei Long flashes a cold smile at him. "Don't read too much into it."

**. . . . .**

Yoh draws from the box. "Why do I always draw these questions...?" he grumbles. "Master Fei Long: Do you still like Asami? If you don't, do you like Takaba? If you don't, why don't you let Mikhail have you because he's annoying everyone because of you."

"I have never liked Asami! And of course I like Akihito..."

"I'm NOT annoying EVERYONE... GEEZ!" Mikhail rolls his eyes. "Just Fei here… and only because he wants me to."

"I do not!" Fei Long protests vehemently.

"You love getting attention from me. You know you do..." Mikhail wiggles his eyebrows at him. "Just admit it already."

**. . . . .**

Tao draws next. "For Asami: Tell me about your childhood."

"It lasted 12 years," Asami replies.

**. . . . .**

Suoh draws a question and grins as he reads it. "Sakazaki: Does it frighten you to know Asami will chop off your dick once he knows the truth?"

"Oh...!" Sakazaki breaks out in a sweat. "I don't think... such a civilized gentleman as Asami-sama here... would do something like THAT..."

"You're absolutely correct," Asami replies.

"See?" Sakazaki says relieved.

Asami smiles evilly. "I'd shoot it off..."

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Sudou. He rolls his eyes as he reads it. "For Tao: What made you suddenly change your attitude towards Akihito in Hong Kong? You could have easily let him jump off that bridge to get rid of him, and pretend you didn't see anything."

"Because it would have troubled Master Fei Long..." Tao answers innocently, "because he was a valuable hostage, or something..."

"Or..." Akihito suggests, "because you had no one else to play video games with you..."

"Yeah, and there was that..."

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki draws a slip and breaks out in a sweat again. "Hah... I can't believe a fan asked this... right? A FAN...!" He looks at Asami nervously. "For Asami: How big is your penis?"

"I'm 185 cm in height."

Sakazaki frowns. "This specifically says 'penis'..."

"I'm sure that was a typo," Asami replies.

"But all these questions are handwritten..." Sakazaki says, flashing him the slip.

Asami shoots him a death glare.

Sakazaki immediately pulls the slip back and glances at it. "Oh yes... if I squint my eyes, I can kind of see that..."

**. . . . .**

Mikhail draws next. "To Suoh: How big are you?"

"HEY... that's rude, you know! To ask something as personal as that...!"

"They mean your height, you idiot!" Mikhail scowls at him.

"Oh, sorry... 25 cm."

There's a gasp around the table.

Suoh suddenly turns red. "OH SHIT! NO!… My HEIGHT! My height is… uhh..."

Suoh gives up and hides his face in embarrassment.

"It's okay, big guy…" Kirishima says, patting him gently on the back. "I don't think anybody really cares how tall you are anymore."

_ [Note: 25 cm is nearly 10 inches] _

**. . . . .**

Kuroda draws a question out of the box and chuckles as he reads. "Suoh: Have you had to self-medicate after one of those Asami/Takaba confabs in the limo? Are you immune?"

"What is this...?! You DO realize we all had to sign confidentiality agreements before we could be hired? Well... " Suoh crosses his arms, "I'm bound by that contract."

"Yes, but that only has to do with Asami's privacy... not yours," Kirishima replies. "You can certainly answer questions about yourself."

Suoh grits his teeth and smiles. "Kirishima... and I say this with the utmost respect... SHUT UP."

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Kirishima. "For Asami: What would you do if Takaba had fallen in love with someone else?"

"I would erase their existence," Asami answers immediately.

**. . . . .**

Fei Long pulls a slip from the box. "For Asami: Do you like women?"

Asami smiles at Fei Long and pauses for a second before answering. "I've already told you several times... no matter how you try to present yourself, you are not my type."

"YOU...!" Fei Long growls.

"You're EXACTLY my type... whether you are looking or acting feminine, or not..." Mikhail pipes up.

"Would you just... MIND your own business?!" Fei Long snaps at him.

**. . . . .**

Asami draws next. "Kirishima: If you had to pick a top 40 theme song to describe your life, what would you choose?"

"'Everything I Do, I Do It for You'," Kirishima replies.

Asami looks at Kirishima a bit stunned.

"Whoa Kirishima... " Suoh says, looking at Kirishima wide-eyed. "Isn't that... sort of a love song?"

Kirishima frowns, "I was certain that song was about loyalty... anyway, the question specifically asked for a 'top 40 THEME song'. I understood that to mean a movie theme song."

"Maybe you should pick something that's a little more like you, like the 'My OCD Song'..." Suoh suggests.

"That was never a top 40 theme song. Besides, how does that even fit me?"

"Do you, or do you not, pick ALL the seeds off your strawberries before you eat them?" Suoh asks as he raises his eyebrows.

"Well, yes… but that's because—"

Suoh smirks, "I rest my case."

"It's really annoying when those little seeds get caught in my teeth..." Kirishima grumbles.

**. . . . .**

Akihito draws next, smiling gleefully as he reads. "To Sudoh: Why don't you get together with Sakazaki?"

Sudou looks horrified. "I have higher standards than that!"

Sakazaki sighs. "You know if you took a walk on the wild side every once in a while, you wouldn't be so uptight all the time. Although..." Sakazaki grins, "I DO love a tight ass…"

**. . . . .**

Yoh picks out a slip. "To Asami: You and Takaba have had sex in your limo, a few hotels, your club Sion, a yacht, your office, Takaba's old place, and in your place- your bedroom, his bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, the hallway, on your outside balcony... did I miss any places? So where will it be next?"

"Here in this room... after everyone leaves," Asami says, smiling wickedly at Akihito.

Akihito blushes furiously.

**. . . . .**

Tao draws a slip and reads it. "Oh! I like this question. Suoh: If you were to cosplay your favorite manga character, who would it be?"

"Oh!" Kirishima speaks up, "I can answer that! It would be—"

Souh turns red, grabs Kirishima and wrestles with him, trying to cover his mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up...!"

**. . . . .**

Suoh takes a slip from the box, reads it and sighs. "Fan question... please remember! Fei Long: Will you go out with me?"

Fei Long stares at Suoh for a second, and then smiles. "25 cm... is that right...?"

"GAH!" Suoh turns red and slams his head down on the table.

**. . . . .**

Sudou draws next. "Mikhail: When are you going to get Fei?"

"Soon, I promise you. I predict by the year's end… after I take revenge on Asami for him."

Fei Long suddenly looks up at Mikhail surprised. "What was that...?"

Asami glances over at Mikhail suspiciously. "What was that...?"

Mikhail smirks. "Oh… nothing."

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki pulls out a slip, reads it, and groans. "Akihito: May I borrow Asami for two weeks?'

Akihito grins gleefully. "Really…?!"

Sakazaki glances nervously at Asami, and then smiles sheepishly. "Well... you only live once..."

Everyone looks at Sakazaki as if he's insane.

"Oh COME ON!" Sakazaki says in exasperation. "Doesn't EVERYONE in this room want to jump in the sack with Asami...?!"

**. . . . .**

Mikhail picks a question and grins as he reads it. "Takaba: Why don't you top sometime? You know you want to."

"I predict this will happen before the year's end..." Akihito answers smugly.

"The day THAT happens will be the day the sun rises in the west... " Asami turns and smirks at Mikhail, "or the day that Mikhail somehow manages to top Fei Long..."

"Come on, Fei..." Mikhail smiles. "You have to admit that's a tempting challenge."

Fei Long looks at Asami and smirks. "Let me think about it..."

Akihito grins mischievously at Asami.

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Kuroda. "To Takaba: Lately you've handcuffed Asami to the bed and then another time you drugged him with an aphrodisiac. What's next for you?"

"Ohh...! Well, um... my next plan for Asami is going to be... the BEST yet!"

Asami shakes his head and smiles. "You don't have anything new 'planned' for me..."

Akihito glares at Asami. "I do, too! You just wait…!"

"No you don't... I can see it in your eyes..."

"Maybe..." Kuroda suggests, "you should try both drugging him with an aphrodisiac AND handcuffing him to the bed next time..."

"Yeah…" Akihito looks at Asami evilly. "That's a GREAT idea!"

Asami gives Kuroda a pissed off look.

"Oh... sorry about that..." Kuroda smiles. "I'm a born problem-solver."

**. . . . .**

Kirishima draws a slip. "To Fei Long: Do you secretly work for L'Oréal?"

Fei Long looks at Kirishima, puzzled. "What is L'Oréal? Is it a French mafia group?"

"You could say that..." Kirishima smirks

**. . . . .**

Fei Long draws next. "To Asami: With all the sex you and Akihito have, how do you get anything else done?"

"What I do away from work, during my personal time, is of no concern to anyone," Asami replies. "Besides, my sexual activities aren't as excessive as you're making them out to be."

"Yeah, right... they're like fucking bunnies..." Sakazaki mutters under his breath. He realizes what just slipped out of his mouth and looks up mortified.

Asami looks at Sakazaki and frowns. "I didn't quite catch that. What did you say...?"

"He said you like to MAKE A LOT OF MONEY!" Sudou says loudly.

Sudou smacks the back of Sakazaki's head. "You fucking idiot..." he mutters.

**. . . . .**

The box is passed to Asami. He reads the question, looking mildly surprised. "For Kirishima: How does it feel not having to do Asami's housework anymore when he's sick? Do you miss ironing his underwear?"

"Yes, I actually miss doing some of my old duties."

"The ironing of the underwear was a bit much…" Asami says, raising an eyebrow at Kirishima.

Kirishima gives Asami a serious look. "I'm a perfectionist... you KNOW that!"

**. . . . .**

Akihito pulls out a question, clears his throat and reads, "Asami: What would you have done if Takaba had fallen in love with Fei Long in Hong Kong?"

"Akihito..."

"I didn't write this one! I swear!"

"I did," Fei Long says.

Asami frowns at him.

Fei Long looks at Akihito. "He's a little in love with me... aren't you Akihito?"

Asami glances at Akihito.

"We're just friends..." Akihito tells him.

Asami continues to stare at Akihito. Akihito smiles and shrugs, "Good friends..."

Fei Long smirks. "VERY good fr—"

"That's enough, you two..." Asami says with a warning voice.

**. . . . .**

Yoh draws next. He reads it and looks pleasantly surprised. "Oh! To Fei Long: If you had to choose another occupation, what would it be?"

"Let's see... I really enjoy studying history, so I would likely end up as a History Professor at a university."

"I would love to study UNDER you…" Mikhail sighs.

"Somebody muzzle him!" Fei Long growls.

"Gladly!" Yoh says as he stands up and stalks toward Mikhail with a menacing look.

"WHOA! 'Muzzle him' is only a figure a speech!" Mikhail yells panicking. "He didn't mean LITERALLY. Fei Long... tell him!"

Fei Long smirks. "Oh, and strap a bark collar on him while you're at it..."

**. . . . .**

Tao pulls a slip out of the box. "This is for Sudou: When are you gonna realize you're not Asami's type?"

"I'm more of 'his type' than ANYONE this room! Especially more than that..." Sudou points to Akihito,"... that GUTTER TRAMP over there. Anyone with half a brain could see that!"

"And those of us with whole brains know better," Kuroda replies.

**. . . . .**

Souh draws the next slip and smirks as he reads it. "Kirishima: Do you ever get nervous about what happens in the back of the car when Asami and Akihito are together?"

"Well there is a privacy window... and it's usually rolled all the way up..."

"'USUALLY'?!" Akihito's face begins to turn red. "You mean there's been times when—"

Kirishima coughs. "No, there is nothing that would concern me."

**. . . . .**

Sudou frowns as he reads the next question. "Asami: If you had to choose a different line of work, would you consider being an Ice Cream Man?"

Asami frowns. "Is this some kind drug dealer reference?"

Akihito looks at Asami with desire in his eyes. "Ice Cream Man... I REALLY want you to cosplay that!"

**. . . . .**

Sakazaki takes a slip from the box. "This one is for both Suoh and Kirishima: What do you guys think of Akihito and his relationship to Asami?"

Kirishima and Suoh glance at each other uncomfortably. "Well…" Kirishima hesitates answering.

"Wouldn't THIS fall under the confidentiality agreement?" Suoh asks Kirishima.

Kirishima smiles and announces. "I'm sorry. I'm not at liberty to discuss my employer's personal matters."

**. . . . .**

Mikhail draws and reads, "Asami: If you had to pick another job, what would you be doing?

"I'd own a country."

"Nobody can 'own' a country'...!" Akihito rolls his eyes.

Mikhail gives a half-smile. "That's not... entirely true..."

**. . . . .**

Kuroda picks the next question and smirks as he reads it. "Akihito: Do you ever plan on calling Ryuichi... I mean, Asami... by his first name?"

Akihito scowls at Kuroda. "You know, you're REALLY beginning to get on my nerves..."

**. . . . .**

Kirishima takes a slip. "Sakazaki: Why are you so annoying?"

"It's MY way of spicing up everyone's otherwise BORING lives..."

Sakazaki looks around the room with a big grin on his face. "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

**. . . . .**

Fei Long takes a slip. "Oh, here's a good one... Yoh: Tell us something about yourself that no one knows."

"I have an unusually long tongue. I can actually touch above the tip of my nose with it."

"That's strange... but interesting… " Fei Long replies.

"Would you like me to demonstrate?" Yoh asks.

Fei Long smiles. "Later..."

**. . . . .**

Asami pulls out a slip and raises his eyebrows as he reads it. He looks at Tao and smiles. "Tao: Do you realize how adorable you are?"

"I… I…" Tao gasps and his face turns bright red. "AGH!" He covers his face with his hands.

"Tao…?" Fei Long gently pulls Tao's hands away and looks at him, concerned. "Are you all right? You look feverish…"

"I feel… a little strange..."

Fei Long glares at Asami. "STOP THAT!"

Asami looks away and smirks. "Puberty..."

Sakazaki stares at Asami with admiration. "I have GOT to learn that guy's secret…!" Sakazaki whispers to Sudou.

Sudou looks at Sakazaki horrified. "You… PERVERT!"

Sakazaki grins wickedly. "You say that like it's a BAD thing..."

**. . . . .**

Akihito removes the last question from the box and smirks. "HA! To Kuroda: Get a lover!"

Kuroda smirks back at Akihito. "What makes you think I don't already have one?"

**. . . . .**

**. .**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Acknowledgements: Serinji, Guest, Capricorn989, Mikimike, yukinome23, Rebel Glow, YaoiMom, Amelita, Hanne, Cram, Asami, A~Z~X, lulu, I'm anon, Miyanoai, Anonymous, tokidoki, Usako, Anonymous, Anonymous, JX… thank you for submitting questions!_
> 
>  
> 
> OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)- feeling compelled to do meaningless tasks repeatedly. See citation below for song information.
> 
> Adams, Bryan. _"(Everything I Do) I Do It for You."_ from the motion picture, _Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves_. A &M Records, 1991.
> 
> Rhett & Link. _"My OCD (Song)."_ YouTube, 17 June 2014.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone is invited to ask a question or to make a comment to a character (think: if you were attending a con and they were guests on stage). The MORE unusual the question, the more likely it will be used. Characters likely to be responding: Asami, Takaba, Fei Long, Kirishima, Suoh, Kuroda, Mikhail, Yoh, Tao, Sakazaki. Questions about Asami's history, in all likelihood, will be ignored by him. 
> 
> Be aware that any future questions that are chosen to be used may be twisted in a way to suit my own agenda ;)
> 
>  
> 
> _The Viewfinder Series are the property of Yamane Ayano and Digital Manga Publishing. I claim exemption under the US Copyright "Fair Use" rule (Use in Parody) [17 U.S.C. § 107]_


End file.
